My Short Shighted Attempt At Long Hand - Stop Child Labour

[diveshmehta]

[basant kumar]

the layout sucks. See another ad in the same space:
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=7451

Look at the way the headline and body copy are treated.

[diveshmehta]

the layout sucks. See another ad in the same space:
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=7451

Look at the way the headline and body copy are treated.

Would love if you would comment on the copy too!
I am just a copy writer not an art director!

[shantyarow]

Divesh,

Will only comment on the copy and not the art since you say you are not an art director (which also suggests that you either do the art yourself or need to work with a better art director).

Honestly (and this is from my own viewpoint of being a writer), the headline is trying too hard. Also there is no great twist by cutting out 'sugar' and replacing it with 'slaves.'

IMHO, the headline would be better as follows:
THE SPECIAL TEA YOU ORDER MIGHT LEAVE YOU
WITH A BITTER TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH.

The Body Copy can then go on to say:
Child Labour. Unfortunately, it comes complimentary with a glass of special tea.

(and then, in short but crisp phrases, go on to explain your argument.)

[Saumya]

Agree, copy is not engaging enough. Long while to go.

[shrutigoyal]

mm.. Not impressive ...completely agree with Shanty..need to improve alot on your copywriting skills...

[diveshmehta]

Divesh,

Will only comment on the copy and not the art since you say you are not an art director (which also suggests that you either do the art yourself or need to work with a better art director).

Honestly (and this is from my own viewpoint of being a writer), the headline is trying too hard. Also there is no great twist by cutting out 'sugar' and replacing it with 'slaves.'

IMHO, the headline would be better as follows:
THE SPECIAL TEA YOU ORDER MIGHT LEAVE YOU
WITH A BITTER TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH.

The Body Copy can then go on to say:
Child Labour. Unfortunately, it comes complimentary with a glass of special tea.

(and then, in short but crisp phrases, go on to explain your argument.)

I but the point the copy has nothing new to offer....I felt it too!
And yes, crispness is lacking...
Thanks for writing on my writing!

[diveshmehta]

Agree, copy is not engaging enough. Long while to go.

I second your thought!

[diveshmehta]

mm.. Not impressive ...completely agree with Shanty..need to improve alot on your copywriting skills...

I am currently on unlearning stage...skills are far far away..shruti...
Thanks for dropping by and posting your feedback!

[basant kumar]

I appreciate the effort and honesty. Godo work. Such effort will make you amongst the best rate professionals!

[diveshmehta]

I appreciate the effort and honesty. Godo work. Such effort will make you amongst the best rate professionals!

Thanks! I hope honesty it is growing up proof!

[diveshmehta]

I appreciate the effort and honesty. Godo work. Such effort will make you amongst the best rate professionals!

Thanks! I hope honesty it is growing up proof!

Thanks! I hope honesty is growing up proof

[shantyarow]

Yes agree with Basant. One is always learning in advertising, and as a writer, the more you write the better you become. Always take criticism as great advice for growing more as a professional. Liked your attitude, Div.

[DesignBoyz]

again, keep up with the culture.

[Anjana Kamat]

Divesh, was this done for a real life client? what does teh organisation do once you call them to a place which hires children? remember, often these children are important bread earners for their families.